35 Eff Off

35, please quickly go fuck yourself. You think you're so stealth, that you've got it all figured out. You are a bitch. Nobody likes you, even those who are too sweet to tell you to your face. Everyone hates you. But right now, I hate you the most. I hate you for these:

No, my eyes do not have their own personal fans. You dug your nasty little nails into my face.

I hate you for ever letting me think that this was fat:

And here you had me contemplating a girdle in 100 degree weather:

You are pure evil for all of my youth you squandered. However, without you I would not have the love of my life and the beautiful children we made together. I will forgive those little angels for the havoc they brought onto my body but you, 35, will not be forgiven. You had better wisen up and get it together because the next 35 are going to be rough for you. I will gouge out your eyes and beat you into submission. You crept up on me while I was weak. You won't get away with it again. Prepare to have your ass handed to you, high and tight.

Crafty

Who freaking knew I could be so crafty? When it comes to being creative, I suck. I mean I can problem-solve and come up with "creative" solutions to every day problems but I consider those to be ingenuity, not true creativity. I can HOWEVER follow instructions like a motherfucker! A few months ago, I "directed" my husband through installing our garage door opener. Piece of cake. In fact, if I was as strong as most men, I could have done it alone. My neighbor was even impressed. I believe his exact words were "Wow, that's not easy. There are whole companies that do nothing but install garage doors." So recently a facebook friend was posting about making her girls tutus as part of their Halloween costumes. She said it was really easy. I remembered lots of cute pics of little girls in tutus I had seen recently and instantly decided that I could so this. I could come up with some cute tutu costumes for my girls. I did a little googling and discovered that there is a whole tutu universe out there. I followed the instructions from this momblog and with a little insight from my girls, I made Ava a "Cheerleader Fairy" (her words) and Emma a "Graveyard Fairy". I thought they came out pretty cute and were much less expensive and more practical than spending money on a Party City costume.

Here are some more photos from Halloween, which I have come to realize, sucks in Texas. The real fun of Halloween is wearing your costume to school and becoming that character for the day. I mean did it not complete your life when the boy you crushed on was dressed as tarzan to your Jane? Or your arch enemy was dressed as a witch or a dog? Unfortunately, when we researched places to live and school districts, it never crossed our naive liberal California minds that religion (you know that thing that is supposed to be separate from state) would play such a huge role in the school district's policies :( Halloween is too evil to be celebrated (oh and sex is too gross to be discussed. Yes, our district teaches abstinence but that is a whole other blog rant...). Ava did get to dress up for her "Harvest Fest" but Halloween was a little anti-climatic for Emma who would have loved to see more of her friends dressed up. Here are some more pics from Ava's preschool parade and Halloween night. Vinny dressed up as a golfer.

The kids did have a good time Trick-or-Treating. Emma went all over the city with her two bffs and even went to a rockin party at another friend's house. She didn't even come home until well after 10. But the little kids barely made it around the big block. They weren't even gone long enough for Amanda and I to finish one beer. They got tired and came home only to get ramped up on sugar. Vinny will regret this later in life when I show it to the first girl he brings home. :))

And speaking of crafty, I made Ava some pretty kick-ass cupcakes for her big five.(blog to follow).

Back on the Fatty Wagon

Dammit!! So, I did good for the first half of the year. I lost 20 pounds before my CA vacation. I was eating right and working out, my skin was looking nice. THEN, CA happened. Holy burrito. I stopped working out the day I got on that plane. I reportedly ate 10ish burritos in 2 weeks then granny died and I had to go back a week later only to eat more burritos. I mean really, granny's service was catered by CARMEN'S...drool! And my cousins made me drink way too much. Then bathing suit season quickly went away and well, that was just another excuse to eat poorly and not exercise.

I regained 7 pounds and it's all flabby bc I haven't done a single sit-up in 3 months.

I am back on the fatty wagon as of yesterday. My 35th birthday (what? NOOOOOO!) is in a couple weeks and then i am going on vacation with my besties in January. Buy the way, these hookers are all CA skinny :( Even if I lose another 20 pounds, I will STILL be the fattest one there :( So, back at it I am. Please don't offer me anything with flavor. Kthanksbye.

The Update

I'm a lagger. A known lagger. This is not new, nor will it change. I should try to do better but I don't like to set myself up for failure. So, it's been a while since I've blogged. The reasons are many: softball has taken over our lives, TV is really good right now and I have a personal obligation to watch my shows in a timely enough fashion as to not let the DVR get full lest one of my shows be skipped and then someone has to die and lastly by the time I get to my 4th job-interneting- I am a little too buzzed from my newly rekindled love of wine to focus on little things like spelling and grammar (as evidenced by some recent late night facebooking). Here's a sweet little rundown:

Emma

Emma is so amazing. She rocks a demanding softball schedule and still manages to get straight As. This fall she is playing for two softball teams. She is playing for a travel team, The Austin Stars, and still playing rec ball at Round Rock. This means games 2-3 nights per week, practice twice per week and weekend tournaments about twice a month. She is getting so good. We are just now really starting to understand the craziness that is youth sports. In fact, I was "one of those parents" at her first Stars tournament. She sat out most of the tourney which she was okay with her but when they finally won a game after batting around the order a couple times and she didn't get to bat, I was pissed. I started crying (I know, right? I don't CRY!) when she said to me after the game "I guess my team didn't need me to bat". I probably should have just got in the car and cried to myself but I was enraged that a grown man made my daughter feel that way...I kinda went psycho-crazy-mama-bear on her coach. We've since moved past that but it is not beneath me to do it again if necessary...

Emma likes to wear my old Clairemont Bobby Sox All Star jacket. I love it!

Ava

Ava will be turning 5 in a week. She is also amazing. She is so amazing, in fact, that she taught herself to read. Much like she taught herself the alphabet before she was two and how to write before she was three. A few weeks ago, she climbed up on my lap with a book and asked to read it. So, I started to read and she stopped me "No, I mean I want to read it to you." Okay, so I'm thinking she must have memorized it. Nope. She was reading. There were a few words she asked for help on but she totally got it. She is also starting to write little stories. She is so, so smart and if it weren't for the fact that the hippopotamus still rears her ugly head, I'd be considering testing her out of kinder next year. She's still in preschool this year because Texas' cut-off for kinder is Sept 1. Here she is on her first day of preschool:

And with her two bffs who are in her class again this year:

She is also playing softball for the first time this year and she is awesome! Her little team, The Sweet Cleats, is undefeated! I love, love, love that her league keeps score. There really is no time when "everybody wins" is a good lesson, right? I mean, I have been kicking my kids' butts for years at all games to help them learn how to lose. I don't need anybody messing up my system with an unrealistic ideal. There is no "everybody wins" in life. So, adding Ava's two games per week schedule ensures that we are at the ball fields during dinner pretty much every night of the week. Cre8ive meals/parenting has been our fall theme :)

Vinny

Vinny is the sweetest 5 front-toothed kid you've ever met. That's right five front teeth. He had always had this cute little gap in his front teeth. Then a few weeks ago, a tooth started coming in! It looks really cute, but unfortunately I think it's going to have to be pulled. I am not looking forward to that experience and am therefore LAGGING on setting him up an appointment... As you can see from the video, he can talk now. He went from point-and-grunt to speaking in sentences in one day. His first sentence was "One more ba" complete with holding up one finger, thereby also conveying that he understood the concept of "one more". We are glossing over the "ba" part here. We all know what it means. We all know what it means TO ME and that's the end of this discussion :)) His longest sentence has been "No want mama do it, I do it!" and his best sentence is "I a u toooo, ma (I love you, too mom)" Be still my heart...

He has also graduated to a toddler bed and peed in the potty a few times. However, full-on potty training is going to wait a bit. He's not quite ready but we are approaching the time. Just beware: the day that mah baybay is out of diapers and off the ba will be a sad, sad, tear-filled, day of contemplating a tubal reversal for me. Please be supportive (with chocolate and wine, DO NOT encourage the reversal!)

Because I Love (most of) You

I have been using my "resources" to find hilarity on the internet. I have really hit the jackpot lately. Thanks to The Bestest Celebrity blogger ever, Michael K., we and half the country have been introduced to one of the best new websites in a long time, PeopleofWalmart.com. It almost makes me want to go there, but not the fancy one I've already been to here in Round Rock. I want to go on a mission to an awesome Walmart in Backwoods, TX to try to capture one of my own. Anyone up for a road trip? I have also found these little peeyourpants nuggets: shitmydadsays and dontevenreply. There are some others listed over there-------> under "My Favorite Places". Now that I have provided you with at least one solid hour of entertainment, it's payback time. Go out and find me some more links and post them here in the comments. We'll all love you for it. Or at least I will :)

Austin, Texas

OMG, why did I wait 3 years to experience the bliss of Barton Springs? Last week I decided that we needed to experience more Texas. I woke up and asked my Facebook friends if I was crazy to go to Barton Springs alone with my kids. Many of them said "Oh, hell yes!" but AwesomeAllison said "Whatevs...I'll meet you there. We LOVE BS!" And now we do, too. Ahhhh...the fresh water (although there was A LOT of algae) felt sooo good.

Vinny loved the algae.

Emma and Jaxon

Ava and Jaxon

Jackknife!

Later, we decided to hit up another Austin hotspot for a yummy lunch and treat. First it was delicious shrimp cones at The Mighty Cone trailer then over to Hey Cupcake! for a treat. The girls have always wanted to visit the beautiful silver Airstream with a giant pink cupcake on it's roof. We are sad to report that the cupcakes were just ordinary :( But we had a great day :))

Fourth

Fourth freaking grade. I totally remember fourth grade. And if I recall correctly, a lot of crazy things started happening to my body that year. She is right there. She still wants to play Polly Pockets (for me it was CPK dolls) and doesn't fully understand why she has to wear certain undergarments every day. Everything I do/say/feel is SO ANNOYING to her but then she still wants to sit on my lap and be tucked in with a kiss. It is pull and push and she has just started to climb the first hill on this crazy roller coaster. But she is brilliant and beautiful and talented and confident and if I could somehow get her to remember this every day, I think we will sail through the next nine years.

Loss

The reason I have been avoiding my blog is that I have been avoiding writing this. Loss. Our family has suffered some tremendous loss recently. In the span of about 6 weeks, we lost two very close friends and my grandmother. The only death that was "expected" has certainly been the most difficult.

On June 22, my mom's longtime friend, Andy, died unexpectedly. He was like an uncle to us, forever present in my grandparents' home back when it really was the family hub. He was one of the smartest people I have ever known and a fucking cruiser. He didn't care about money or success or political correctness. He drove a rusty old Nova, smoked and ate whatever the hell he wanted. I'm pretty sure he had read every book ever worth reading. He knew everything there was to know about music. If you knew him, he was your fantasy phone-a-friend lifeline. I recently attended his memorial service. The room was filled with old friends and family all sharing the same kind of sentiments but I was most impressed by the presence of his second grade teacher. She was not someone he stayed in contact with. She just happened upon his obituary and felt compelled to honor his life. He was that kind of guy. He will be missed. Cruise on, Andy.

On July 1, we knew it was coming but we all hoped for a miracle. Wesley, the son of my mom's best friend, lost his battle with Leukemia. He was only 32. He was larger than life. He was just weeks away from getting a bone marrow transplant after finally finding a donor when his cancer returned with a vengeance. He had so much life left to live. A woman to be loved and wed. Children and grandchildren to be had. A niece and a nephew to watch grow. He wasn't supposed to die, dammit. Although I am thankful that he is no longer suffering, he has left a hole in our hearts. In his honor, I have registered to be a bone marrow donor. Please do the same. Rest in Peace, Big Man.

Lastly, just a few short days after I had last seen her, my Granny passed away. Although she was aged and ailed, she did not have any acute illness and her death was unexpected. The kids and I went to visit her on the last day of our vacation. I had just loaded my camera with batteries but I never pulled in out. Oh, how I wish I had. I never imagined that would be the last time we got to visit. I would have spent more time. I would have asked for her stuffing recipe! Grandma had a good life. She made some good kids and grandkids. We will miss her. Rest in Peace, Granny.

I traveled back to CA without the kids for Grandma's funeral. Although it was a sad time for our family, it was great to see all of my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins. We laughed so hard all day, and into the night. Granny would have loved it.

Grandma's Kids

All of my cousins




Dayna, Me, Jillyin and Brooke

Me and Peg

Dayna and Nancy

Mom and Nick

Vacation, all I ever wanted

Oh, I have an AWESOME idea!!! How about I take the kids to CA by myself for two weeks! WooHoo! AND let's fly Southwest because the added anxiety of possibly not getting 4 seats together just amps up the FUN factor! And, you know what would totally top it off? If my parents' house wasn't really toddler friendly. For good measure, if "I" could lose Vinny at a golf course this could be the best vacation, EVER! Except really it was. The kids were (as always) so easy to travel with. Vinny did do some damage at my parents' house but I don't think there was any permanent damage. And he was just making sure I loved him when he wandered away from my mom and made me cause a hysterical crying scene at the Rancho Bernardo Inn.

I'll try not to make this too long, as I've already shared all of these on facebook. You should probably get on there

My sister decided to change her Engagement Party into a wedding and Beto flew in for a short weekend. There is just something magical about family weddings. It was beautiful.

The Bridal Shower
My sister, Dayna, and I
Me, Mom and Dayna
The Rehearsal
Steve and Dayna
Tiffany, Dayna and I
Beto and I
A Decent Family Shot
The little girls: Sophia, Leah, Emma and Ava
Dylan wouldn't be excluded!

The Wedding
The Happy Couple
The Other Happy Couple
Emma and Leah
Flower girls: Ava and Sophia
Emma caught the bouquet!
My sweet girls
The cousins (minus Vinny-we were afraid to lose him again and he stayed home with a sitter.)
Me, Sis and Mom

After we recovered from the wedding festivities, we had lots of amazing fun with some of our very favorite people. We hit La Jolla Shores and Mission Beach a few times.

We spent a day at Balboa Park. Like a good little evolutionist, I took the kids to the Museum of Man.

Me and the Kids
NooNoo and the girls
Ava, pointing to the skull that looked most like Beto :))

NooNoo and the kids at the Organ Pavillion

Ava, Vinny and I met Dawn and her kids for a playdate. Then we headed out to Alpine for a fun-filled Smith Day!

Brandon, Jenna and Ava

My little brother turned 30. We went to his resort, I mean house, for a party. "Somebody" might have kind of lost Vinny again. "Somebody" can no longer be trusted.

My brother

Peg and Ava take the plunge!

Emma jumps!

And Dylan!

I think Emma eventually talked Leah into it :)

The birthday boy.

Finding Nemo.

Vinny got a skate lesson.

This makes my heart go pitter-patter.

Our trip generally coinsides with the opening of The Del Mar Racetrack season. We hit up a late Friday and I took the girls for their first time. They LOVED it and even got to cash a few winning tickets, unlike their mother.

I got to have a great dinner at old Town Mexican Cafe with two of the hottest Bs in town.
Jennifer, Janelle and I

And I got to see the most beautiful pregnant lady before she moved to CO.

Shawn and Leah

It was an amazing time with friends and family. It is always difficult to leave and every time we do, I wonder why we ever did :( Until next time, sweet CA.